Ah! Breathe deep, Cat Bloggers! That wonderful smell is the dawning of a Sparky-free Era – thanks to me, Godfrey Goodmouse and the well-oiled machine that is Anonymouse. It was I who spiked her toy mousie with Ambien! It was I who thought ahead and purchased Delivery Confirmation on a Sparky Care Package for the Antarctic researchers of Vostock station and while some may scoff (looking at you, Mr. Black), this is how I now know that the vile Murderess has in fact, been delivered – safe and sound and probably doing her imitation of an ice cube.
hoo-boy! excuse me while I roll on the ground here and laugh myself sick. hoo! ha! hahahahahahahahahah. tee-hee hee. ahem.
okay! I’m off to take a victory lap around the house before I return to the burrow for my hero’s welcome. In the meantime, here is just a reminder that we at Anonymouse are just getting started. The world, sadly, appears to be filled with Sparky Spitfires. But we are ready for them. Here, then – a cautionary tale to start your new year –
Kittehs! Today I have a very special story for you all…hey. wait. sniff. sniff. do it smell…kinda…rodent-y around here? like the computer monitor has tiny paws prints and…sniff..sniff…what the what? Is this mouse poop on teh keyboard?!
Okay, I’ll take care of this later, but for today we have a story of heroics and bravery and
wait. who put this here?
ew. do NOT click on that, whatever you do. ugh. spam.
okay. it seems i have a few technical issues to deal with wif today, but while i work on that, i shall leave you wif a video montage celebration of Indominable Cat Will. Enjoy!
no! wait – that’s not the vid…WTW?!?
psssssst! hey! hey! listen up cat bloggers! it is i! your worst nightmare – Godfrey Goodmouse – mounting a CYBER COUP of the Horrid Fur Fiend – that Stripy Serpent with the Orange Juice Splotch on her fat face – Sparky Spitfire – Ruthless Muncher of my many family members. it was i who escaped her sloppy paws by dashing under the piano where i have hidden for days, waiting for her insistent pink little nose to get bored and move elsewhere.
i survived on the few petrified cheerios that i could find under the piano, but as soon as Christmas came and the family opened the cat nip gifts – i knew it was my chance. while the she-devil swooned and pranced, i took off for the basement where i sought shelter from the kindly, if not a little single-minded, guinea pig. he shared his lettuce with me and filled me with stories, mostly about lettuce, but many, many stories of the Orange Outrage’s many misdeeds; how she taunts him with dagger-like claws, or pretends to “wash him” but is actually tasting him – oh! the injustices he has endured at her evil paw! i asked the pig to join my crusade, but, his spirit already crushed, said merely ‘meh.’
thanks to the lettuce, i grew strong again – strong enough to climb the stairs anew and wage war against this murderess. MY FAMILY WILL BE AVENGED. The heartless death of my deermouse cousins and the millions of velvety blind moles, the untold numbers of cicada crunchings – ALL shall be avenged.
(oh, this is so exciting! if only my cousins back at the burrow had wifi…stay tuned! hee hee!!!)