To: All Staff
From: the Chief Feline Officer
RE: 4th Quarter Earnings
The CFO has studied the books and found that 4th quarter numbers, while verreh crunchy, were not good. While “Olympian gains” were posted in mole sightings, houseplant chewing and nap times, the cost of Distressed Humans in need of Furry Love continues to cut into my bottom line. Therefore, in order to ensure the future solvency of Sparky Cat Enterprises, Ltd, drastic cuts must be made in teh Human Affairs Division.
Effective immediately, the Human Food Budget will be limited to fishy treats and kibble. Petting and Pick-Up-teh-Kitteh Bonuses are to be discontinued. Retirement, in any form, is hereby canceled.
With these cuts, we should see an overall amortization of our liquidikitty. All employees are encouraged work togetfur towards this goal. Fank you and get back to work.