Hello. My Name is Sparky and I am a Nipoholic…

i has problemI has substance abuse problem.  

No use in ignoring it.  Time to enroll in a 12-Paw Program and get some real help.

Oh, sure, some might blame the wanton Mrs. Whatsername,  that Notorious Nepeta Peddler, with her garden-fresh supply of succulent Catnips, but I have to take responsibility for my own actions.  

I could say no – simply flick my tail and trot away.  I could bite her ankles, just to get the message across.  I could ignore her like I do every day.  But, when she comes out of the garden with a handful of Leafy Green Lovliness, and that ‘you know you want this’ look in her evil eye…well…it’s just more than this Kitteh can bare.  

I am a Nipsomaniac.  I can not help myself.  Here you see the awful troof:  

Ugh. I am practically in her LAP.  It’s so humiliating to be Roofied in this manner, then let her have her way with me and that stupid camera phone of hers.  I feel so used.

But for the good of kitteh youths evawhere, I post this embarrassing display as a Cautionary Tail.  Do not let this happen to you. Or if you do, remember, at the very least, to bite the hand that dopes you. 

And so while I work through this long recovery, I will keep this in mind – 


Grant me teh Savagery to Stalk teh Things I Cannot Kill, 

the Courage to Pounce on teh Things I can,

and teh Wisdom to Show Humans Indifference

wish me luck.

18 thoughts on “Hello. My Name is Sparky and I am a Nipoholic…

  1. Sparky!!! The video says it’s PRIVATE! We are majorly bummed. Does it mean it’s TOO SPICY for our tender eyes? NEVER!

    It’s entirely Mrs W’s fault. Just like here it’s all Daddy’s fault. He doesn’t HAVE to cultivate teh nippys, but he DOES. Buncha lousy enablers.

    • um…yes…sorry ’bout that. we’re still working out kinks in our first foray in the technical fields of camera-phonology and Youtubia. not so easy to do when you’re hung over.

  2. Sparky, That video is so exciting the Human told me I had to avert my eyes from the most intense moments for fear I might get all fainty. She says I will have to watch it in stages, bit by bit, so as not to become overwhelmed with excitement.

    Um, WTF is all that NOISE? Or was it just in my head as I watched you squirmin’ around there?

    • oh, Spitty – you are my Favorite Enabler. I’m glad you liked it. The noise was no doubt AirForce One cruising ova head, along with the NSA’s black helicopters and a truck or two of SWAT team members. They all like to keep tabs on me. Mrs. W. is still flummoxed by the concept of “background noise reduction.” give her time.

      • The Human and her friend just went to see that brain-candy (well, and eye-candy) White House Down–totally mindless, but fun they say. *I* wanted to see it too, since I was SURE you’d have at least a cameo, but the Human says no–they was NO KITTY at all in that movie. That’s just an OUTRAGE. XOXOXO my Sweet!

  3. Oh Sparky,
    Me has never seen yous at any of the meetings. There is Valarianolic meetings too

  4. MEWHAHAHA! Awwww Sparky dear, I know mew can do it. As they say- ‘One day at a time’, ‘Easy does it’, and ‘If mew fall off, jump back on again!’
    If mewz human wants mew to succeed she will quit being mewz dealer and pusher. Perhaps she should be required to attend NipaNon meetings while mew are at mewz Nipaholic Anonymous one?

  5. Hello sweet one, Yes, that’s m-a-r-s-h-m-a-l-l-o-w. I have decided to turn over a new leaf and be much ni—wait! What? What did I say? Oh no, it must be that Zombie kitty taking over again and making me act all nice so he can lure more victims to himself! Ruuuuunnnnnnnn…… Ha ha ha –gotcha! Nah, I’m just screwin’ with the Human’s head a little. I’m still that Furrari-drivin’ bad boy you love. XOXOXO

  6. Hi Sparky! So, you’d like to hear tales of ebil, huh? Well, being as how I am a basement cat, I gots plenty of them. And yet…and yet…even though you have luscious orange & tabby goodness, I think you have an ancient store of ebils that would put mine to shame. Why don’t you teleport over and we can compare notes?

    • tell me all about it, Dr. Ebil. I can handle it, even if I am a tabby. The “m” marking on my forehead actually stands for “murder,” “mayhem,” and “mole-munching,” so you see, I was born into this Ebil Lifestyle. btw, the orange dot on my head is for kissing, which sucks, cuz the humans do it so much it won’t ever dry out properly. But otherwise, my little heady is nuffin but nasty.

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