A V.D. P.S.A.


Taffy Boy, Floral InspectorMy brother Taffy actually has something say!  And believe it or not, it may actually be interesting and relevant. AND about LOVE. Crazy, right? Let me just say I’m just as shocked as you. So here he is with a Public Service Announcement: a mancat’s point of view of the inner workings of a flower shop, just before some sort of major Romance-related holiday. Or so he says. Wif out further ado, I give you Taffy Boy, Floral Kitteh-in-Chief!

Um.  Taffy? Taffs? Heeeeelloo…? making sure Shinki does it right, dammit.

Well, he says they are verrah, VERRAH busy right now and he has a lot of supervising to do and that I should just tell you.  

Kittehs!  Somefing is up!  Boxes are stacking up in the shop. boxesThe place is crazy full of flowers and sticks and leaves taffy in the seeded euc.– and none – NONE! of it is nip or silver vine or anything remotely delightful like that.  In fact, the whole shop smells distinctly of sticky sweet narcissus and indigestible chocolates.  According to Taffs, the boxes do come loaded with things like strings and shredded papers, but the shop peeps rip right through the box, get these things outta the way...totally ignore the play-potential all around them and then “ooooh” and “ahhhhhh” about a bunch of angiospermstaffy enjoys his box He says it’s baffling.   

What’s more, Humans are racing in and out of the store, bouncing into each other like ping-pong balls. Only not in the fun way.  More in teh “oh, Dear Cod, help me!” kind of way. In a “roses cost HOW much?” kind of way.  In a panic, more or less, Taffy says.  And he would know of which he speaks. He has been chased thru the house and cornered under the kitchen sink by me, so he knows what it’s like to upset a Grrrrrl Kitteh.  

Luckily, Taff sez the guys usually leave the shop more relaxed than when they came in.  Something about armloads of leafy greens and red boxes wif ribbons really makes these mans feel better.  Taff is not sure how, altho he suspects that someone is going to feel really playful with all that ribbon. I know I would. 

The shop humans, however, continue to jump through hoops. And, again, not the fun kind.  They clean, cut and arrange barrels full of flowers, wrap packages and spend hours on teh phones making promises:

“yes, I’m sure the orchids will match her dress. promise!”

“yes, I can fit all of Shakespeare’s sonnet #18 on the little card. promise!”

“yes, we can deliver it to your houseboat on the Potomac river at low tide. promise!”

“yes. she’s going to love it. promise.”


Taffy noticed, before he fell asleep in the display case, the amazing number of promises being made, on both sides of the cash register.  Humans wanting a gift that promises that this fleeting moment of beauty will last in their hearts forever.  And other humans running around like crazy to make it all happen.  

Taff also thinks it may be a good idea for us kittehs to get on the act and make our specials friends happy.  Like with a bouquet of string or a sophisticated single feather, or, for the discerning and cosmopolitan love of your life:  a simple blue velvet box with a dead mousie inside.  Thoughtful gifts with special meanings.  And yumminess.  

Just be grateful you are not shopping for Mrs. Whatsername.  I have tried. Lord knows how I have tried to make that woman happy, but her heart is made of stone. Moles, mouses, cicadas – you name it.  I have tried them all.  So, if it’s plants and leaves she wants, it’s plants and leaves she’ll get.  sparky in the gardenNext week, I plan to eat a bunch of grass and then “re-gift” it into her house slipper.  So that when she bends down to cleans it up, I can give her a head bonk and we can enjoy our fleeting moment of beauty together.

Anyfing for love.

18 thoughts on “A V.D. P.S.A.

  1. AVDPSA! How could that not have been entered in the contest???

    Sparky, my sweetest darling, our time in the tunnel burns in my memory like 1000 suns! You must realize that Spitty has a place in his heart for ALL his special LadyCats. We kitties, unlike the Stoopy Humans, do not abide by silly restrictive rules of monogamy! Love is everywhere!

      • Well, I see the Humans have brainwashed you into adopting their Puritanical ways. A sad loss to the more free-thinking Feline Society!

        I did receive your (un)lovely gift (the flowers were tasty anyway, all bent like that)….but then, it seems you may have come to your senses after all?

        So what’s it to be Missy??? A freewheeling life of love and adventure, or some sad mimicry of so-called respectable Human restrictions????

  2. I just don’t understand why humans would waste their money going to as flower shop when there are so many pretty flowers out there that can be gotten for free! Why, I just dug up several bouquets this morning to rewards all of the squirrels in my life this VD. I may even have a spare dandelion for you, my dear Sparky. I’ll just slide it under the door for you…. no need to come out and get it yourself!

  3. Taffy, we will pass on your re-gift! Although, we find we like most of the flowers our mom receives. She is forced to keep them in the bathroom if she doesn’t want to come home to a bunch of chewed stems and places on the floor that need to be cleaned.

  4. Darling, Bitterness is so unbecoming. Wouldn’t you really rather teleport over here on Caturday afternoon for a cuddle and a Niptini? We could talk things over and then I would groom your little face and give your ears a good washies. Whaddya say? Dead flowers and fires, or cuddling? Your choice!

      • Of COURSE I means it, Sparky Darling! I would never lie to a beauteous LadyCat such as yourself! XOXOXOXO

        The Human says: Watch out, Sparky. He’s a nice BoyCat but he has LadyCats in a few ports, if you know what I mean and I think you do. Still, when Spitty says he luffs you, he does.

  5. Your Mommy is getting a little neglectful of your blogging needs, isn’t she, Sparky? I think there’s a penalty to be exacted for that kind of mistreatment.

    Just sayin’.

    • who? her? Mrs. W? well, she claims she has been “bizzy,” which I believe is like being dizzy wif a bi-otchy attitude thrown in. she disappeared for a few days last week and then stumbled back home, shaking rose petals and fern leaves out of her hair and muttering “gawd! how I hate Valentine’s Day.” Frankly, she’s a mess. we post soon, however. i will only indulge this selfish behavior for a few more days.

  6. Is your Human a florist? Do you get a lot of tasty petals and other snacks?

    I see you were quite unkind about my Petco Hunting Skills–or the lack of them. I’m a city boy. I don’t got no chances to go out and kill things like some kitties I know. I would LIKE to dead things, and sometimes I catch a moff or two, but birdies? lizards? NO WAY. Them things is skeery!

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